From The Virginian-Pilot
By Daryl Lease

TO: Bill Ayers, Nancy Pelosi, Osama bin Laden, Barney Frank, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Hugo Chavez, Simon Cowell, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Andy Griffith, Lex Luthor, Warren Buffett, the Big Bad Wolf, George Will, Satan, et al.

FROM: Barack H. Obama

RE: An important update

First, I’d like to thank all of you for the extra effort you’ve given the Obama-Biden campaign these past few weeks. I particularly appreciate your help dispelling the many scurrilous rumors about me and your work translating Joe’s many squirrelly gaffes. You’ve certainly been busy.

As we draw closer to Election Day, Tuesday, I am truly humbled to think back to what the rumormongers might call my “youthful, carefree days at the madrasa,” where I first realized that a little boy with big ears and a funny name could grow up to become president of the United States someday – provided, of course, that I could find an artful way to doctor my birth certificate. (Thanks, Martha Stewart! I couldn’t have done it without you!)

Now here we are, on the verge of world domination, give or take a few red states.

In the final days of the campaign, I trust we can stay focused on “hope” and “change.”

On that note, I do hope you’re aware of the big change awaiting Sen. Ted Stevens and the new opportunities it presents us. The Alaska senator has been convicted of seven felony counts involving violations of federal ethics laws.

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