From The Virginian-Pilot
By Daryl Lease

On Monday, on the baleful morn the National Bureau of Economic Research declared we’re officially in a recession, I realized I couldn’t put it off any longer.

It was time to check the balance on my 401(k).

I’d avoided this moment of truth for months, ever since the stock market took its first bungee jump into the abyss. I was overdue for a peek down there, to see what peeked back.

Later that evening, as I shuffled with dread toward my computer, I took a deep breath to try to calm my nerves. Unfortunately, this proved difficult, as my head was almost completely encased in bubble wrap.

In the retelling, I can see my preparations may seem excessive to you, perhaps odd. But, given the grim task ahead, I felt I had to take precautions.

There was, for instance, a distinct possibility that the sheer horror of what I was about to see would cause me to lose consciousness and send my oversized noggin kerplopping against my desk.

So protective headgear – particularly something that emitted a pop-pop-pop in an emergency – seemed prudent. One certainly doesn’t want a concussion on top of a recession.

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